9-10 Years Old

Reconciliation came at a price. I am now blind in one eye.

It probably started with a fight between May’s mother’s suitors. Things got ugly, so to speak, and round they came, to me, to cower with me from the violence. Not cowering, I stood proudly by windows keeping watch (ready to duck away at any moment).

There may not have been a fight. It could have been flooding. There were heavy rains this year.

In any case, while I kept watch at the windows, the rains hammered into being some tribal new me. I wanted to remind my little family again about joy. About Me.

“Who wants dinner? I’ll get us something to eat. Your favourites!”

No one listened really, they were regretting having come, but I didn’t seem to care. I would provide No Matter What.

“Don’t.”

But I went out. I didn’t faff. This was not a gesture but a reality. Clutching paper-wrapped food, they watched my drenched return. Both of them vigilant by the window, they saw no danger, but instead me doing a silly dance in the rain.

May, embarrassed but almost comfortable finally, rolled her eyes. The silhouette mother hands on hips. I could hear her shouting

“Get inside! Bloody man!” Not quite angry

I didn’t come inside but kept dancing. Eventually May’s mother came out to get the food but I held onto her hand and she danced too, with her hair over her face and May came too and took the food tutting loudly and went inside to present it nicely on plates. She kicked the door shut, breaking the already failing lock.

We were stuck outside. May was stuck inside and suddenly Nearly Ten wasn’t so old any more. She wailed freely with the prima claustrophobia of her age.

I almost managed the easy climb to the front window. Almost reached. Instead I fell and spiked myself badly on a redundant garden cane.

While I was in hospital there was reconciliation talk. May showed off at school about:

“My Dad’s half blind. He’s had a break down!”

A bizarre father is hard currency in pre-adolescent bragging.

May is proud that I have no depth perception now.